I fret.
No, that’s not the latest Apple gadget. It’s me. I make lists, I plan, I graph (no, not more Apple gadgets, just me), and when something falls off the plan, I usually let the “free spirit” kick in and enter “automatic overdrive” where I just create a new list or a new plan that lets everything fall into place as originally intended again. No sweat off my shoulders, right?!
But lately I’m learning that you can’t make a list out of life. You can’t plan it, graph it, chart the trends, or buy an Apple gadget for it. Sure you can make a grocery list and you can make a vacation list and a house-to-do list, and you might think that adds up to a whole life of planned out goodness, but it won’t...even though it would be really really nice if we could.
And you know what? Sometimes that just plain old makes me grouchy. Because I WANT. (Possibly a future Apple gadget).
I’ve mentioned before I’ve never really had any super romanticized goals for my life. That I want my life to be moldable to God’s plan for my life. That doesn’t mean I’ve never had an idea of what I expected my future (albeit simple) to be like. Lately I’ve started realizing that even the littlest of my plans, or the plans I didn’t think could possibly interfere with God’s plans for my life…can.
He knows the very number of hairs on our head. Why wouldn’t I think that EVERYTHING would matter to Him?
Today this is a big pill for me to swallow.
We’ve all heard “let go, and let God.” We’ve all heard “God helps those who help themselves.” Finding balance is not easy. Knowing that God knows the future, but I don’t is not easy. Not comparing my life to others is not easy.
Life isn’t easy. Not the most profound thing ever written, but we’re human, right? We WANT things to be easy.
Today I will continue to make wildflowers out of weeds. I will stir my gelato. I will count by centimeters. I will remember that it is a good thing that every tiny detail matters to Him.
I will not let my life be a list of crossed off items. After all I hate can learn to love surprises. Especially those from Him.
Where are you today?
Just for fun....this cracks me up...
This is the gift list from my bridal shower- my maid of honor got a pretty little folded notecard to store the list on. One of my (biological) sisters took the notes... check out line 4 where they documented said maid of honor's gifts to me: COW (?!?), apron, photo album, huge "rock..." hahaha!! For the record, it was a cute cow creamer, and the "huge rock" was just part of the wrapping (that I re-used here). For their convenience I have not posted the even funnier parts of the list including a misspelling of the word "underwear" as "underware" as if it were a kitchen item! haha! Ahh, more evidence that I ♥ lists. And ♥ my sisters too. And my maid of honor. I know you're reading this!!
I'm a huge list maker as well, and sometimes I have to make myself sit back and be less hard on myself. I'm just happy to be alive! and that those I love are alive! That's what think of when I have one of "those" days.
ReplyDeleteLove the descriptions from your shower! haha I'm glad you got to re-use the "rock!"
man, I wrote a comment before but it had an error. Now it's awhile later and I can't remember what I said.. lol
ReplyDeleteGreat post, though, S!! I find that when I need a little breather, I just think about how happy I am to be alive! and that those I care about are healthy and in arms reach (or a quick plane ride away!).. xo
You belong among the wildflowers
ReplyDeleteYou belong somewhere close to me
Far away from trouble and worry
You belong somewhere you feel free
I too was once ruled by lists. They took over and told me what I had to do and made me feel guilty if I didn't get it done. Then a wise woman told me that she once struggled with the same and God told her to give it up. So I went home and ripped up my lists(except grocery lists) and I now live pretty much list free and it is so freeing. And guess what? I still get the same amount of stuff done and I really don't forget it if I don't write it down!
ReplyDelete